Good to Be Bad
© STOP by DELAFOI
Mid-step, it occurred to me that the only way to find out what I am truly good at is to first and foremost embrace all the things in which I suck. It’s my moment of clarity, a private revelation, and the most liberating jump I’ve felt in years.
The shackles of trying to manage everything, only to achieve nothing, are blinding. Every mumble becomes a failure, and every handshake falls short. I’m off-beat, out of tune, and always behind. I’m not suggesting rubbing salt in every mistake. Rather, let go of the many things I’ve fooled myself into viewing as fundamental for my cause. They aren’t. Most of them are sidesteps I use to distract myself from my calling.
I’m terrible at basic networking, and it quickly gets awkward. The more or less mandatory online presence stresses me out, and I don’t know how to interact, connect, promote, or exist in a digital community. I’m uncomfortable speaking about my own work, and as a self-employed creator running two companies, I am notably bad at fitting in in the capitalistic system with its sharp elbows and winners-keepers-losers-weepers mentality.
I am a creator at heart - a storyteller with a pen and a camera. I can write a melody that sticks while a simple email gets overcomplicated and too pushy. I know my way around both a hammer and a nail and a needle with a thread, and I can speak to dogs and strangers, but I’m terrible at nurturing a friendship. I don’t care about food, but I like to eat, and I love the ocean but not the beach. I’m restless but get easily provoked by those with no patience, and I love humans but can’t stand people.
As of today, I am good at knowing where I’m bad. It killed all expectations where there’s nothing to expect. A change of mind, a new method, and a simple NO to give space to everything YES.
A moment of clarity - the most liberating jump I’ve felt in years.
